You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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