So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
