Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
