What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
