I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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