The maid of honor just puked.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I need to align my fucking chakras
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
