2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
