It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
