i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
sarcasm needs its own font
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
