i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
