we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
