I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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