I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
