he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
