I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
