Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
