u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I think people are normalizing furries
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
