it glows. i had to have it.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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