and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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