Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
