I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
