Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
