I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
