i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
