at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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