Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
