'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
