god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
