Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
