i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dick very happy bro
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