is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
