all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize
