me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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