My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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