I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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