I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
