The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
We need to get me chipped asap
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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