well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
