Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
