I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
