He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
