New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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