We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
