Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
