You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
