do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I pour the whiskey from now on
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
