we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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