the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
