Jerry, you need to find god
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
