He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
