So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
