your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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