The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
